There are a few rules, because there always are. First is no powers. That's a bye bye to Vader & Skywalker, Spider-Man, Superman and all the rest. Second is no gadgets or toys. Bond, Batman, and the Ghostbusters, this means you. You're only allowed to use the common tools and technology of the time. There are some others who definitely belong in the club. Don't worry, they'll be given their BAMF badges soon. Samuel, it'll be in the mail by next week. This isn't politics so that's enough of the red tape and legal jargon.

 

Martin Riggs & Roger Murtaugh

 

There are two here, but it's impossible to split them up. Anytime it does happen, anyone in the way of them reuniting doesn't live long enough to regret it. Together they've taken down mercenaries, Gary Busey, corrupt South African ambassadors abusing their diplomatic immunity, gang bangers, dirty cops, the Chinese Triad and Jet Li. Most of them while putting up with Joe Pesci's "okay okay okay." The only reason they're at number 5 is they both had armed forces training in Vietnam, including Special Forces for Riggs. So actually add Vietnam to the list of things they've survived.

There is basically nothing these two can't do. They get the job done no matter what. While taking down the laundry list of bad guys, they've been shot, stabbed, tortured, electrocuted, and that's just in Lethal Weapon 1. Shane Black, the creator of the buddy cop genre and an honorary BAMF himself, also penned the first 2 movies. Black's other credits include The Long Kiss Goodnight, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and the Last Boy scout. Any bad guy who sees he's up against Riggs and Murtaugh just gives up now. The only thing that scares these two is growing old. As we all know, they're getting too old for it. Sadly, so are Mel Gibson and Danny Glover. No one wants to see Lethal Weapon 9: Retirement Home Justice. But I do want a LW5. Almost had it when Gibson made his racist remarks. Come on, you guys aren't too old for this yet.

The Dude

The other Jeffrey Lebowski. He doesn't bust "em up in the same way as the rest, but this tenacious little stoner won"t stop until he's solved the problem. Corrupt cripple fake millionaires, electronica bands turned nihilists, porn producers and dim-witted henchmen beware. He only has 1 movie, but it's so good that it counts as 3. His philosophy makes him all the cooler. Sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes the bar eats you. No matter what, he keeps on keeping on. Walter's rambling and overly sensitive semi-Semitic ideals don't even faze him. Donnie passes on, but the Dude keeps doing what he has to. White Russians became an instant classic thanks to him. And his acid flashbacks are well choreographed. He's not moving at break-neck speeds, but he's still an unstoppable force.

Not to mention the bowling troubles. John Turturro? He's a pederast and he's going down next Wednesday. The Dude even engages in coitus with Julianne Moore and brings the best line ever spoken by Tara Reid. The one that would make all of us find a cash machine. Part of his power might be derived from keeping his mind limber. A variation of f- is used 281 times. Oh yeah, and he makes witty remarks when strangers shove his head in the toilet. If that's not a BAMF maneuver, I don't know what is.

Ripley

In space, no one can hear you scream. But everyone has seen her kick the acid blood out of the Aliens, or Xenomorphs. Alien is the perfect natural killer. Its prey turns into its host. If you hurt it, the acid blood kills you. It can climb on walls and ceilings; it's fast, strong and tough. Razor sharp teeth and tail, it can hide in the shadows or small shafts, or just kill everything in a room in about 3 seconds. You take down one of these and you're BAMF material. Take down dozens, including queens, and the organization can't survive without you. Her most shining moment has to be the end of Aliens, where she does the right things to beat the queen. She gears up first, getting plenty of normal rounds, flame thrower and maybe some grenades. When she passes the face-huggers on the ground, she drops the flares to make sure they're dead instead of assuming they are and getting killed because of it. She goes back, saves Newt and kills the whole colony of xenomorphs.

She's not just the bane of Aliens everywhere cause she can take them down after they kill a whole platoon of marines though. Her ability to think and adapt is also great. The android from Alien was a corporate tool in a few ways, but she still learns to trust Bishop later on. She recognizes not to trust all Bishop androids though, as seen at the end of 3. She's even willing to make the ultimate sacrifice to make sure the company doesn't get its hands on an Alien, which would lead to them killing billions more across the galaxy. True, Resurrection is a strike against her. There's no denying that. The rest are good enough to make up for it though. And, she had enough sense to stay away from the Alien vs. Predator disaster. AVP2 was better, but the first was just so bad.

Those of you looking back at the rules and saying that Ripley used some nifty gadgets and toys are both right and wrong. She does, but the technology is common at that time. Most of it is primitive for that time. She's cruising around in spaceships with suspended animation and the best thing she has is modified radar or a mining suit. Most of the time she's got fire or a gun. Even we have fire and guns.

John McClane

So I couldn't choose who would be #2 or #1, so I'll go the NFL wide receiver route and make it option 1 or option 1A. General consensus would probably put the remaining BAMF as the sole #1, but the general consensus isn't writing this.

He's saved people from L.A. to New York to D.C, from sea to shining sea. He has no special training; he's a New York beat cop. He's not the smartest guy around or very tech-savvy. He loves his family and he hates bad guys. He's John McClane and he's 100% certified BAMF. One on one, he'll take anybody down. It's hard to believe that there were serious doubts about Bruce Willis in an action role. But back then he was seen as a comedy guy from Moonlighting. Now, he is the action genre. Movies are described as Die Hard on a boat (Under Siege), Die Hard on a train (Under Siege 2: Dark Territory), Die Hard on a plane (Snakes on a Plane!). Bruce Willis was actually option #5 for Die Hard. Check imdb. As everyone knows, if it's on there it must be true.

Here's the resume: Beats Hans Gruber and a dozen other highly trained, well financed faux terrorist thieves. Al helps, Ellis dies. Everyone is happy when Ellis dies. Beats an ex-colonel who's turned traitor, his group of elite commandos, a corrupt major and his group of elite commandos. Saves Holly's plane and every other plane except the one Miles O'Brien was piloting. Al helps a little bit. Hans Gruber's brother Simon comes at him with a squadron of terrorists and mercenaries. Runs through all of Simon's games, defeats small army. No help from Al this time, but lots of help from SamueL. Defeats helicopter with a six-shooter and electric wire. Beats former DoD super computer genius and some other exaggerated baddies. This time defeats helicopter by driving a car into a concrete pillar, which ramps it instead of crashing it. Random craziness with a semi and F-15. Kevin Smith cameo.

The best is clearly the original rumble in the Nakatomi building. Everything about that is perfect action. Even Carl Winslow learns a lesson. The same lesson as McClane in the movie - shoot people. Second best is his New York romp with former 2nd unit stand in for Bill Cosby, SamueL. Let's not bring up Live Free or DH. McClane's infinite toughness really boosts him up. He's shot, runs barefoot through broken glass, shot a whole lot more, ejected from an exploding plane, dropped onto a barge and that craziness with the jet fighter. And he keeps going. Any sort of emergency, give me John McClane and I'll be happy watching him save the day and shoot everyone in his way.

 

Indiana Jones

 

It's a shame that so many on this list have one movie that counts against them instead of for them. Crystal Skull, Live Free or DH, A: Resurrection, and LW4. But it proves not even Hollywood milking these BAMF's dry can stop them.

This was almost called the INDY club, that's how good he is. He takes down Nazis like they're Lego's. Solves legends from two major religions. He found the Ark of the Covenant and the Holy Grail, and he's still a down to Earth guy. He can beat the living daylights out of you and give you a history lesson at the same time. And make history come to life. More recently, he took down some commies, but let's focus on the good times. The times before Lucas' infinite crazy was allowed to run unhinged. Indy has completely smashed the bad guys and saved the day on 5 different continents. Very few others can make that claim. He hasn't gone down under, but what's he going to solve there? Everyone knows who ate the baby. And Antarctica, there's no archeological artifacts down there despite what AVP says. I told you, AVP is terrible. Indy wins on land, sea and air. He's got it all.

If you can find the Ark, you're already in. Keep it out of the Nazis hands and you're a legend. Smart enough to survive the opening of the Ark, then there's not even a word to describe you. He saves kids from evil Thuggee cults and returns the Sankara stones to save the village. He survived the trails to find and was knowledgeable enough to get the true Grail. It's arguably as good as the Monty Python quest for it. And his dad is Sean Connery. He's the son of James Bond for crying out loud. He can solve any mystery, defeat any enemy and recover any treasure. There's really no explanation needed. He is the BAMF chief. None of the wannabes (National Treasure, Lara Croft, The Librarian) can even see him, much less touch him. Long live the king.

The Daleks

“Exterminate!”

From: Dr Who.

What's the story?

One man can be blamed for unleashing the Daleks on the universe- Davros. They originated on the planet Skaro, a world ravaged by a millennia long war between two peoples, the Kaled and the Thal. Over the course of the long conflict, chemical, biological and nuclear weapons where used by both sides. The Kaled where starting to suffer from mutations, and Davros, their chief scientist decided to capitalize on this. He began analyzing their mutations, identifying the strongest and encouraging them, assuring the Kaled commanders that it was to predict what they might one day become. What he was really doing was preparing to create a new master race to enslave the planet is his own image.

He isolated all the characteristics he needed in his new perfect race- Ruthlessness, lack of emotion and a burning hatred for anything that was different from them. Once this was achieved, he designed the “Mk III travel machine” (Part life support system and part armored tank) to house them in- and the Daleks where born. They then promptly began to kill everything in their path, a genocidal campaign that was not confined to their own planet. They soon spread to the stars, and even killed Davros in the process (though through various time tampering he was saved). The rest of Dalek history is the subject of many episodes of Dr Who, so I won't say too much more for fear of spoilers.

What makes them great villains?

The Daleks are ruthless, uncompromising, and genocidal. They don't believe they are the supreme beings, they know it. Killing anything that isn't either: A) Dalek, or B) Useful, is as natural to them as breathing is to humans. Daleks are devoid of almost all emotion and conscience, the one exception being fear- and even that is only brought out in situations where defeat is almost certain (It stops the Dalek's hubris from destroying them by ensuring they are wary of superior foes).

Aside from being tenacious to the point where the entire race has rebuilt itself from one survivor, they also have the technology and skill to carry out their campaign of genocide very successfully. Daleks are one of the few races capable of time travel (Leading them into a great war against the time lords), their ships are powerful, their knowledge of biotechnology is supreme (At one point they bred a clone army), and the individual Dalek is easily a mach for a squad of human soldiers. Even when their chassis are destroyed, if the Dalek survives it will go to ground and fight on, using its toxic bite and small size to slowly pick away at the enemy. And each Dalek itself is a certifiable genius.

Do they have a weakness?

Daleks have two main weaknesses. The eye piece on the top of the Dalek can be destroyed, blinding the creature inside. Later Daleks used energy shields to protect themselves, but if enough bullets are concentrated, at least one should get through.

The other is the Movellan virus. The first crushing defeat the Daleks had was against the Movellans. The story goes that the Daleks and Movellans where in a stalemate. Their battle computers where perfectly matched, and neither could outthink the other. So the Movellans went and devised a new strategy independently of the computer. They created a virus that specifically targeted and killed the Daleks. A large number of the race was infected, and the kill rate was 100%. The effects where so devastating it caused the Dalek Empire to fracture, but again, spoilers.

With the destruction and rebirth of their race with a new genetic code however, it seems the Daleks are now immune to it.

They can be killed using the standard approach though. Guns. Lots and lots of guns. Make them big guns. Lots and lots of very big guns.

“The Daleks are the supreme being! We do not require assistance!”

Rating: Nine out of 10 death rays.

Cherubael.

“Shut up so I can hear myself kill you.”

From: The Eisenhorn trilogy (Warhammer 40,000).

What's the story?

He's a Daemon prince from the 41st millennium, serving the powers of chaos. Cherubael has existed for a very, very long time. Known by many names, Cherubael has appeared throughout history, and throughout the imperium of man, subverting faith in the God emperor and turning the faithless to his will. He met his match on the world of Clanar II, where a radical imperial inquisitor found him and bound him into a body. Cherubael was

reduced from a Demi God, to become a daemon host, the weapon of a madman. But he had a plan, oh yes, he had a plan. For in the realm of the daemons (the warp) time has no concept. He knew in the future there would be a man who would defeat his master, and set him free from his prison of flesh. Slowly, piece of piece, Cherubael put a centauries long plan into motion. And it came so close to working too…

What makes him a great villain?

Cherubael is ludicrously powerful. Even when bound within a physical body, he's capable of feats of extraordinary destruction and chaos. In fact, even by daemon prince standards he's as hard as nails. At one point in the trilogy, he takes out a battle titian- a friggin' titan. Feel free to Google “Warhammer 40,000 battle titan”, and realize he basically killed a mile tall walking tank.

But in the entire trilogy, we rarely see him use this level of power. Like many great characters, Cherubael's true greatness lies in subtlety. Everyone's heard of the stories of deals with devils, and the sweet temptations of evil. Cherubael plays up to these stories magnificently, forming long complicated plans to get even the most devout and pious individuals to do exactly what he wants, and corrupting other, easier targets to his will. Although in the end it could be argued that he succumbs to his nemesis/chief pawn, Inquisitor Gregor Eisenhorn, Cherubael can at least claim a moral victory on account of the fact that he turned Eisenhorn from a devout puritan “All chaos is evil!” type of inquisitor, into a radical “We shall use chaos and control it!” type.

But perhaps what makes Cherubael such a great villain is the fact he rarely takes centre stage. He's a controller and manipulator, a puppeteer running everything from behind the scenes. In all the Eisenhorn books, he only features prominently in a few key scenes. In each book the "true" enemy is always someone else, but Cherubael is always there, always watching, always pulling the strings…

Does he have a weakness?

Like all Daemons, Cherubael is repelled by symbols of faith in the hands of the truly faithful. But not for long, as he can quite happily summon enough power to destroy them once he's got over the initial shock.

If the body he is bound into is injured, it means little to Cherubael. He can regenerate it quite happily. Even if it is destroyed, Cherubael remains bound to his master, waiting to serve in a new body.

Delivering a large psychic shock, or the appropriate rituals can release a daemon host from its bonds, but then you just have it wondering around obeying no orders, and with no limits put on its power.

Theoretically, there's one way to "kill" a Daemon. Deliver a MASSIVE psychic charge into it. The kind of power required to enslaves the minds of an entire city. That might, theoretically, annihilate it, rather than send it back to the warp. Maybe.

The only way to really ensure Cherubael isn't a problem is to bind him yourself, and then lock him up somewhere, never to be seen again. But having all that power at your disposal… sometimes there's no other way out of a situation other than to make a deal with the devil.

And then he's got his chance.

“Cut me free from these pentagramic bindings and we'll call it even…I'll go, and we'll never bother each other again… I promise…”

Rating: Eight out of ten tormented souls.

The Jem'Hadar.

“I am First Ikat'ika, and I am dead.

As of this moment, we are all dead.

We go into battle to reclaim our lives.

This we do gladly, for we are Jem'Hadar.

Remember: Victory is Life!”

From: Star trek (Deep space nine)

What's the story?

The Jem'Hadar serve the founders, a race of shape shifters who spend all their time in what they call "the great link" (half hive mind, half opium trip), to fight all their wars on their behalf.

The Jem'Hadar are all genetically engineered monsters who rapidly reach to maturity, at which point they are sent into battle to build the dominion; Empire of the founders. Their ranking system is simple with the "first" at the top, the "second" below him and so forth. Controlling the Jem'Hadar are another species of genetically engineered aliens, the Vorta. The Vorta are the officers and diplomats, keeping the Jem'Hadar in check and distributing the means by which the dominion control and feed them, the Ketracel white, or "White" for short.

What makes them such great villains?

In many ways, the Jem'Hadar are similar to the Daleks. They are bred for battle and born for war. Every aspect of the Jem'Hadar physiology and psychology is geared to one simple thing. Serving the founders, and more often than not in the case of the Jem'Hadar, that means killing lots and lots of people.

Examples of Jem'Hadar physiological advantages include chameleon like colour shifting they can use as camouflage (Which they rarely do, they are shock troopers rather than commandoes), enhanced muscles, endurance, enhanced senses, tough scaly skin and a fearsome appearance to demoralize their enemies.

Jem'Hadar have a life expectancy of nil. Few live past fifteen years, twenty years is an amazing feat, and thirty years is unknown. You see, despite the fact they are so tough, the dominion use the Jem'Hadar as a steamroller. It only takes three days for one to grow to maturity, so for every one that falls, there are another dozen ready to take its place.

They don't eat. They don't sleep. They don't take time out. In this respect, they're a lot like professional chefs. They pretty much share the same temperament as well, grouchy, violent and aggressive, with a dash of psychosis.

The Jem'Hadar are very well equipped, their clothing meshes with their physiology so when they "shroud" (think active camouflage), their clothing shrouds with them. Their weapons have three settings; stun, kill, and vaporize. Oh and the kill setting causes any wounds it administers to bleed profusely, so if the beam doesn't kill you, the blood loss will.

Do they have a weakness?

Only one: the white. And even then, it's hard to use this weakness against them, except on a strategic scale. The Jem'Hadar are bred to lack the ability to produce certain enzymes essential to life. These are present in the white. The white itself is also the only nutrition the Jem'Hadar require. So, in theory, you can starve them to death by stopping the flow of white, right?

More or less correct. You see there's one little problem. They don't starve to death quietly. A Jem'Hadar deprived of white behaves a lot like a heroin addict going cold turkey at first. They twitch, they mutter, they loose hand eye coordination and the ability to do their chameleon trick. But then afterwards they fly into a berserk rage, killing anything they come across, friend or foe. Given the fact that the dominion can simply abandon the Jem'Hadar as easily as anyone else abandons a tool, the berserk monsters then become the problem of the enemy again, even if the dominion where forced to retreat from the theatre of war. Finally, after the berserk rage, the Jem'Hadar croak.

The only other thing you can do is keep shooting and praying, as while each individual is tough, they are far from invincible.

Rating: Eight out of 10 prisoners of war.

“Obedience brings victory. Victory is life.”

The Terminators.

From: The TwoTerminator Movies. No, there was no third movie. There was no third movie! Lalalala I can't hear you!

“I'll be back.”

What's the story?

This one really is a classic, everyone, even people who don't normally like science fiction have seen the terminator. The story goes like this. A computerized defensive system called Skynet is built in America, in the near future. The only problem is Skynet becomes self aware, and when it does the controllers try to "pull the plug". Needless to say, Skynet does not appreciate an attempt on its "life" and strikes back, nuking all the major cities of the world. The survivors call is judgment day, but the horror doesn't end there. Skynet unleashes its foot troops, the metallic skeleton like robots called the terminators.

The humans fight back and are on the verge of defeating Skynet when it decides it's had enough. It starts to send terminators back in time to try and kill the leader of the human resistance, John Connor, and/or his mother Sarah. The idea being if the humans don't have a figurehead to gather around, then history will be different. Paradoxes aside, the rebels send one of their men back in time to protect Sarah, and a reprogrammed Terminator back to protect John.

The Terminators in the films come in two flavors, the T-800 which is the bad guy in the first film and John's body guard in the others (Not that there was more than one other film!). These guys are your basic metal terminator, but then overlaid with living tissue. It's almost impossible to tell them apart from a real human unless you cut them open. They where originally designed for infiltration, but Skynet's time portal could only transfer living things, so suddenly they took on a new purpose. As the terminator was housed INSIDE living tissue, the machine COULD send it back. And send it back they did…

The Next is the T-1000, which was sent after John Connor. This badass was made of living metal. Think of mercury which could think and pull itself into any shape it wanted. It could mimic different humans right down to the voice, and turn parts of its body into knives and other instruments of destruction. Blowing holes in it doesn't do much good either as it's like trying to stab water.

What makes them such great villains?

They just don't stop. They are as inevitable as the tides and moon; they just don't stop once set on a task. Between them, T-800 and T-1000 have been shot, burned, beaten, frozen, melted, blown up, skinned, crushed and God knows what else. Only a couple of these things proved to be anything more than a mild irritation.

Terminators are very good at what they do, they have a knowledge of human anatomy so they know how to kill with maximum efficiency, they are proficient with any weapon they pick up, can drive any vehicle, they let no one stand in their way, and simply take whatever they need as they need it, all the while marching relentlessly towards their target.

You can run, you can hide, but in the end you are only human. Sooner or later you'll need to stop to catch your breath. Sooner or later you'll need to sleep. The terminator doesn't. The only way you will ever be safe if a terminator is set on you is to either re write history, or find a way to kill it. And with the latter, you'll probably get another one sent after you anyway.

Do they have a weakness?

Only Arnold Schwarzenegger's acting skills. No seriously, by conventional means, the T-800 is VERY tough to beat. In theory it's still only a robot, so you can put it down if you can get your hands on armor piercing weapons or explosives. You can however beat it if you get creative. For example, crushing it in a metal press.

The T-1000 is even more of a nightmare. Conventional weapons do little more than annoy him, blowing him up just causes him to recombine slowly and even hiding is next to impossible as it can look like anyone, and pour itself through tight gaps to get in anywhere. Extreme cold (Being frozen) seems to cause it to go a little haywire, only extreme heat (thousands of degrees c) seem to be able to actually kill it.

Rating: Nine out of 10 lever action shotguns.

“I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle”

The Xenomorphs.

From: The alien films.

“It's got a hell of a defense mechanism, you don't dare kill it.”

What's the story?

There's not much of a story to tell with these guys. They're aliens but unlike many aliens in science fiction, these guys are not super intelligent, they have an animalistic mind, but can learn surprisingly complex tasks if trained properly. While not as smart as a human, the average alien drone can think its way around problems with basic animal logic, which can be scarily effective. The two aliens escaping from the cell in alien 4 anyone?

The alien life cycle begins as an egg laid by the queen. From the egg comes the face hugger. This little thing scurries around looking for a large animal, say… a human. When it finds one, it jumps on the target's face and forces a large amount of flesh down your gullet (Like porn but scary) -and then dies.

Now that you've been implanted, your death is almost certain. In the space of only a few hours, the fetus (for lack of a better word) grows into the aptly named "chest buster", a large grub/snake like creature that eats its way out of you, then scurries off looking for a hiding place.

The chest buster then eats, and molts. And eats and molts, and so on until it grows into the most common alien, the drone. The drone will then hunt and feed, and then start a colony.

Where the drone goes from here varies depending on the amount of aliens present. Some will continue to mutate and become praetorians, the guardians of the queen, some may even become queens themselves. Many will stay as drones.

They're animals though, they don't hunt because they want to destroy the world or enslave you, they're just hungry- and need you to breed. It's this strange thing that makes the Aliens at the very least an interesting concept in science fiction, a predator above humans in the food chain, not due to technology or flinksome super powers, but simply being more evolved and better suited to do what they need to do.

Plus their look was designed by HR Geiger! What more could you ask for?

What makes them such great villains?

The alien drones are very fast, very agile, can climb walls, rip apart metal with their claws, have a highly corrosive acid for blood and swim like fish. In short, they are almost perfectly evolved as the top of the food chain.

It's hinted that they are slightly telepathic, and can sense each other's presence and state, creating a sort of hive mind within the colony, so if one sees you, they all know where you are. Ever poked a wasp's nest? Imagine what happens when the wasps are eight feet tall and have a second mouth on the end of their tongues.

Even one of these things is a problem. It's smart enough that it won't jump out in front of you when you're carrying the BFG, and stealthy enough to instead lurk on the ceiling and then drop down on you. Plus if there is a well established colony in the area, they will zerg rush you, swarming you with dozens of high speed, chitinous snarling horrors.

Do they have a weakness?

Yes, standard weapons do work on them. for all their speed, strength and agility, the individual alien drone is quite fragile. Being insectoid, they have a tough exoskeleton, but once this is breached their insides will leak out through the hole if it's large enough. The exoskeleton isn't exactly bullet proof either, and the standard weapons everyone seems to be toting round can quite happily put a hole in an alien.

The problem arises though because the aliens will rarely give you a chance to shoot, swing your wrench, or do anything in response to an attack. They ambush you when you are at your most vulnerable, or least expect it. Perhaps the best defense therefore, is a sharp set of eyes and ears.

The other weakness is the fact they need to use another species to procreate. If they don't have a being of large enough mass, they can't breed and the colony goes into a sort of hibernation. Problem with that is that any disturbance and you wake them up.

If you can kill the colony queen, then you deal the aliens a seriously blow as they can no longer get fresh eggs and it takes a lot of time and energy for a new queen to mutate.

Oh, and they REALLY don't like fire. A flamethrower will keep a wall between you and the alien, and is great for clearing out rooms willed with eggs. A word of warning though, an alien on fire goes berserk. Be somewhere else.

Rating: Nine out of 10 mangled corpses.

“If they're going to be anywhere it'll be… here. Where the meat is.”

So, don't forget to pack your ray gun next time you go out people! You have been warned!

Need some heroes to protect you? Look no further than here!

Copyright information: Pictures and quotes are used under fair usage policy, or with the permission of the copyright owners.

Whilst choosing to disregard anything to do with the “Newborn” creature and “Ripley 8” in Alien Resurrection as being a worthy addition to the franchise, and its attempt to outline a bond between human and Xenomorph; I prefer to investigate the connection between antagonist and protagonist beginning with the first movie.

H.R. Giger's refinement of the surreal Necronom IV lithograph, with the help of director Ridley Scott, portrayed the beauty and sexual overtones of the creature within the first film. It's loud hissing, provocative grin, and drooling fluids, had significant cultural impact upon its human predecessors.

Ripley's personal encounters with the alien, particularly towards the climax of the first movie, are almost erotic in places. As the viewer sees the protagonist strip down to her underwear, it is at that moment that the seemingly neglected alien creature springs out of hiding to intimidate Ripley further. The slow building tension between the female human and Xenomorph during this scene are evident when Ripley's respiratory levels increase, and her violent screams result from the advance off the alien towards her.

The alien's combination of sexually evocative physical and behavioral characteristics are guilty of being seductive when in the presence of the human being. Indeed, much of the Alien's looks and life cycle can be seen as a perverse sexual metaphor. The snapping metallic teeth are almost like the castrating vagina dentata, according to critic Ximena Gollardo, and are deliberate in design for creating an organic killing machine.

During the famous scene, where the chestburster explodes through Kane's ribcage on Nostromo, there is a distinct connection between sex and death. On first contact with the species, Kane had been subdued and made pregnant by the facehugger from the egg, and later on the embryo had developed and escaped via its host. It is a nightmare for the viewer to see the male gender desemated via the birth of another species in such a fashion. Indeed, when the ovomorph succeeded in planting the embryo, it was via the method of sexual assault.

Undoubtably, there is a blurring of human sexual dichotomy here. At the time Alien was released, Sigourney Weaver, who played Ripley, was a little known actress, and it was somewhat surprising for a film audience to see such a horrifying plot develop, with Ripley being the last remaining (female) character. Contrasting to Dallas, who was the more familiar lead role of the film, yet becomes one of the early captures of the Xenomorph along with Kane; then is later seen cocooned and helpess, being used as a host for the implantation process within the nest of the alien.

In this sense Ripley's role is challenging the ideology of gender stereotypes: she is the only (female) survivor of the Nostromo crew, and overhauls the threat of the Xenomorph and its propagation, ultimately by herself.

The breakthrough feminist themes about women in combat made Sigourney Weaver a cinematic icon. The “Female Action Hero” was a rare title given to actresses in the days of Alien, and it wasn't till the reprisal of Sarah Connor in Terminator 2, that Ellen Ripley had any serious (human) competition.

The Iconic lone figure with a flame-thrower has been accepted and celebrated as pure cinematic magic, where Ripley, the heroine, triumphs over the alien species. Her strength and will to carry on through the suffering of her deceased crew makes her worthwhile to the female gender, yet truly iconic to the human race.

Furthermore, Ripley's character role is made significant by challenging the ideals of science with a human angle: it is her common sense, emotion, and will to survive that relates her to the best of us.

If only the crew would've listened to Ripley citing quarantine protocol; there would have been no knowledge of the extraterrestrial life form, and humanity would be safe from its threat (at least for the time being). Her attempts at persuading Science Office Ash and Dallas to get rid of the facehugger were also blatantly ignored.
The casting of Jones, the cat, is notable for influencing further Ripley's personality on screen. Despite being stalked by the alien, and with the self-destruct sequence of Nostromo rapidly counting down, Ripley is still desperate to get Jones out of there, under her wing, safely, after the crew has been completely diminished.

It is such characteristics that allow Ripley's role to overshadow even that of the alien, which is quite extraordinary, especially given that the title of the movie refers to the antagonist. Although the alien is most certainly billed as the “Perfect Organism”, leaving the audience intrigued to find out more about this highly aggressive, unfamiliar, extraterrestrial life form, it is the story of Ellen Ripley that keeps faith in human existence, and inspires further installments of the franchise.

Admittedly, I've had numerous nightmares of the chestburster ripping through my own rib cage, and I remain quite cynical when I hear about humanity's attempts to explore other species in space. I'm not paranoid (much), but you have to remember that “Science-Fiction” is an oxymoron, and a contradiction within itself.

Giger's obscene; insectoid form was not a result of evolution, but deliberate design. The vaguely human features of the Xenomorph, with its skeletal, biomechanical appearance, may well be the most perfectly formed organism we've have ever seen. Its erotic nature of reproduction- "an interspecies rape" according to O'Bannon -has haunted audiences for years, whilst the term "We are not alone" has rung through many of our minds.
Ripley not only installs pride within women, but gives faith to the whole of humanity's explorations, on film. In fact, it isn't till the 3rd instalment in the franchise that we learn Ripley has finally been “caught'”, and impregnated by the aliens; even then she was asleep when the attack took place.

Ripley fully deserves her rank as the 8th greatest hero in American Cinema History, at the very least; while Scott's Alien masterpiece must remain as one of the most significant sci-fi films of all time; with the award for the most grotesque surrealist artist going to H.R. Giger. Undoubtedly.

1. AVP (Alien Versus Predator)

   Putting the galaxy's foremost killing machines in a brawl with one another seems like a great idea, in that it's like seeing the damage a train can do to a skyscraper. Yes there will be destruction and mayhem caused by both parties, but at the end of the day it all proves to be rather pointless. Although I usually admire films that deliver what they promise just by its title (my personal favourite being “Elvis and Costello Meet Frankenstein”), the movie seemed like a large waste. A movie driven by violent action instead of an actual plot never really seems to impress me.

2. AVPR (Alien Versus Predator: Requiem)

   Given my opinion of the above, you can imagine my disappointment and mild outrage when I learned there would be a sequel. And although I am ashamed to admit that I actually watched it, I believe I can redeem myself by giving it such an arrogantly scathing review. First of all, however, when one consciously says to themselves “I want to watch AVPR” you are clinically retarded. Second, this movie suffered the same problem as the first: plot driven by random action sequences. You can easily save yourself the pain of this movie by watching AVP. It features flat and completely unlikable characters. My personal favourite (and by “favourite” I mean the one I loved to hate), was the “bully” character who seems to have been based on the villain of every 80s movie ever made.

3. Resident Evil: Extinction

   Resident Evil 1 and 2 weren't exactly Oscar worthy performances, but you can tolerate them because they were fun and shared a similar attitude felt by the games in that they take themselves so seriously yet their scripts seem to be written by 12 year olds. However, Resident Evil: Extinction, the third in the movie franchise, was in no way worth the time or money. On some levels the concept of adding zombies to “Mad Max” seems to work so long as it stars Bruce Campbell. The problem was that Resident Evil doesn't. Now I may be a bit bias here, but I am a huge Evil Dead fan and will watch anything Bruce Campbell stamps his name on simply because he adds a wonderful camp feel to everything he touches, which is by no means an insult. However, with Milla Jovovich the movie seems a complete failure. The script is so obviously tacky and poorly written you would expect that she could have a sense of humour about the fact she is a telekinetic/pyrokinetic human/zombie hybrid-clone (don't tell me you didn't see that coming). At least Bruce Campbell had the sense to liven his character up with phrases like “groovy” and “hail to the king, baby” even when he had to lob off his own hand and replace it with a chain saw.

4. The Descent

   If you don't remember this movie then (1) you are very lucky and (2) it doesn't surprise me. But recently I was in the mood for a claustrophobic mysterious thriller and spent 15 minutes trying to remember the name of this film, remembering its general plot only. It should be mentioned at this point that I am the kind of person who will willingly seek out movies I know are bad so I can hate them, then relay my hate of these movies through clever and witty remarks to my friends so I will become more popular. Shallow: yes. Enjoyable: sometimes. Logical: no. In any case, stay away from this movie at all costs. I'm sorry but when you can't even remember how many characters there are, or any of their names, or even identify the main character when they're standing amongst their friends in a cabin, you have done something to lose your viewers. Essentially, several young women, half of whom are apparently British, the other half apparently lesbians, decide to go spelunking in an unknown cave and come across human-like monsters that live there. There was so much wrong with the movie that I began to take it personally, believing that it hated me. As much as I would like to spend the time to explain to you how much I hate it and how much is wrong with it, that would take more time than is worth being given to this piece of shite.

5. The Highlander Sequels

   I don't know why specifically these came to mind. The first Highlander was bearable, namely because I'm a fan of Sean Connery. Actually, that was the sole reason why this movie was bearable. In any case, Highlander should have stuck to its goal and ensured there can only be one. If you don't get that reference then that disappoints me. The other two films, and the series they created out of them (if I remember correctly), were monumental flops. There is no need to do a sequel to a movie that claims once there is only one highlander, there can be no others thus immediately discrediting any plot the sequels might have had.

6. Any Movie That Came Out With A Sequel
   

   Many Years after its Original These are movies that had sequels which came too late. For example: Blues Brothers 2000, Caddy Shack 2, and Basic Instinct 2. Movies such as these are doomed to failure because they are released when the window to do so is long gone. Public affection for a film won't last forever, so releasing a sequel to a movie 13 years after it was released is pants-on-head retarded to say the least.

7. Spider-Man 3

   I am a total nerd, if you haven't already noticed, if not from this article then from one's past. So imagine my disappointment when I came out of this….thing. Spider-Man 1 and 2 were great movies, some of Sam Raimi's best. Granted they were no Evil Dead, but they still had Bruce Campbell. Spider-Man 3 started shaky when he began a self-narration sequence. I was immediately embarrassed for both Toby Maguire for having to do that, and for me, for having to listen to it. Luckily he made a decent recovery and the first hour or so of the movie was actually good. Unfortunately, the instant Peter Parker began dancing in the street, acting and dressing and looking like an emo kid, I lost faith. I had hoped the movie would not have gotten any worse than that, but I was wrong. I cannot forgive the horrible error of casting Topher Grace as Eddie Brock/Venom. Nor can I forgive the writer of the screenplay for having Venom write “Come out, Spiderman” in a web. I could go on, but as you may have already noticed, I am getting lazy (see numbers 5 and 6). All-in-all, the end of that movie completely ruined it, and the Spiderman franchise. This could only mean they will do another, of course.

This list is by no means a complete accounting of all cinematic phallic symbols. If you feel I've missed something major, please leave a comment.

One more thing, just because a movie has a water fountain or a club doesn't necessarily mean it's intended to be phallic. Even Sigmund Freud recognized that “sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.”

When a film ends the way “Alien vs Predator” did, with a hybrid chestburster punching its way out of the body of the Predator it was gestating in, you know there's going to be a sequel. And after three years (smart move on Hollywood's part, giving plenty of time to develop a proper story), it has finally arrived. And the results are quite impressive.

“Requiem” picks up right where the first film left off, the aforementioned scene where the hybrid “Predalien” is born as the Predator ship leaves Earth. The ensuing battle that follows (which itself would've made for an interesting movie) causes the ship to crash in the Colorado woods. When a father and son out hunting go to investigate the wreckage, they're attacked by Alien facehuggers and become hosts for the first of an infestation. Back on the Predator homeworld (seen for the first time), a lone veteran Predator discovers what has happened after picking up a distress signal and immediately makes a beeline to Earth to both destroy the Aliens and their Predalien leader and clean up the mess, leaving no evidence left behind. Bad news for the Midwestern town of Gunnison, which has the bad luck of being chosen as the Aliens' breeding ground.

Moviegoers disappointed in the first “AvP” outing will not be feeling the same way this time out. Aside from a rather cool “villain” in the Predalien, both the Aliens and the Predator are back to basics, right down to the original look of the Predator's thermal vision as opposed to what was used in the previous film. He's even sporting two, count "em TWO, shoulder-mounted cannons, for double the fun of blowing away nasty Aliens and just upping his status as a bad-ass. In addition to some of the other cool weaponry and gear we"ve seen in the past, such as the “Combistick” and shuriken discs, we get some new ones like a rather nasty whip that slices and dices those nasty Aliens. And thanks to the film's "R" rating, we get the appropriate blood and gore needed for these film monsters, right down to some poor sap being skinned by the Predator. Not to worry for those on the more squemish side; compared to what's been seen in recent horror films, most of the stuff in this flick is rather tame.

Naturally, there are some humans in the story (hey, somebody's gotta get caught in the crossfire), who provide some sidestories to the main plot. Ex-con Dallas has just been released from prison and wants to look out for his little brother, Ricky, who lusts after pretty girl Jesse and has to deal with her jock boyfriend. Soldier Kelly has just returned from Iraq and is trying to reconnect with her daughter. And there's the local sheriff, Eddie, who has to deal with all the bizarre happenings and try to keep a level head with little success. We get just enough story for the characters to care about them and hope they survive this latest battle, but not so much that it just seems like filler. And don't be expecting any team ups between the Predator and the humans this time out; the humans aren't stopping to find out whether or not either one of the otherworldly beings could help them, and the Predator is pretty much killing anyone who gets in his way as part of his “clean up” job. The movie quickly becomes one big, three-way battle, all leading up to the main event of the Predator versus the Predalien (seeing as folks can expect this, I doubt I'm spoiling anything).

“Alien vs Predator: Requiem” isn't the greatest film out there, and certainly not when compared to the original films of either franchise. But it does manage to hold its own and generate new interest in either series, plus prove its worth as a superior sequel. Not bad for a “slugfest” film.

This movie begins where the first one left off, we see a Predator lying in state at the back of a ship with his chest burst wide open. There are facehuggers loose on the ship along with the growing Predalien. The lone live Predator on the ship is unable to maintain control of the situation and is killed. The ship crashes on a lonely blue planet known as Earth.

A father and son are out hunting and see the ship crash and rush off to find the ship still smoking in the forest. Predictably, they leave the ship where it lies and go off to contact the local sheriff, but it turns out that the facehuggers survived the crash and implant both the father and the son with Aliens.

We also meet the other main characters early in the movie, the local sheriff, played by John Ortiz, and his old buddy Dallas who took a different path as a criminal. The female lead is Reiko Aylesworth as Kelly. Kelly is a female Army chopper pilot just back from the wars. And, as is almost always the case in Alien movies, we have the little girl, Molly, played by Ariel Gade. Dallas has a little brother, Ricky, played by Johnny Lewis.

This movie has a TON of homage to the original movies, but primarily plays to the title characters, especially the Aliens. Dallas, the hero of the film, is also the name of the captain in the original “Alien” movie, played by Tom Skerrit and there's no question, down to the black wife beater style tank-top worn by the female lead, that Kelly is Ripley (Sigorney Weaver) reborn. I half expected the scared, but brave, little girl in the film, Molly, to pop off a comment like Newt (Rebecca Hinn) from “Aliens”, which is among the scariest ever delivered on film. “Mostly they come at night. Mostly.”

In general, the Alien parts of the film are pretty terrifying, but the first time the Predator (Wolf) drops into the screen with his invisible body armor and all you hear is the thunder of his landing from the theater speakers, it will shake you to the core. This is a bloody, shoot-em-up with all of the violence, language and gore intact. It is a competent rendering of the Alien and Predator war by the brothers Strause.

I liked it and if you're into Aliens getting the crap kicked out of them by a single hunting Predator with humans merely incidentals in the conflict then this movie is for you. Don't expect too much out of the dialog or the actors, this movie isn't about that. It's about showing the vicious conflict between the Aliens and the Predators and how we got in the middle. Consider it too be, along with the sub-standard “Alien vs. Predator”, a set up for much better movies in the future.

Species II

In a nutshell, there is a species of aliens that need to breed to create their race again, and while on a mission to Mars, some humans pick up the DNA and have just started total chaos without even knowing it. If you liked 28 Day Later or 28 Weeks Later you might like this.

It

Well an oldie, well old for me because I was so young when I first saw it. It, coincidentally the name, was based on the Stephen King Novel. It is about people that were terrorized by “It” when they were younger. “It” would turn into their greatest fear and kill them, but the kids grouped together and killed it. They made a pact that if it ever returns they will face it again, and well, it does.

Alien vs. Predator

One of my favourites, not just because of a big slimy alien making me jump out of my which came out of nowhere, but the action, who doesn't like a bit of action on the side. If you have seen any of the Alien's or Predator's then you should know what this is about. It revolves around the predator's that play a game to hunt and kill Alien's. Unfortunately for some humans, they are there at the same time, be prepared to jump and wet your pants for an action packed squealer film.

Saw

Saw is my second most favourite because it makes you think and you will never guess anything in it. It is set around two guys that wake up in a room that seems to be a bathroom. They both keep getting clues and things telling them to kill the other in order to escape, this is set up by a guy who is nicknamed the Jigsaw Killer and uses a puppet on a tricycle to represent him. Great if you love things that also have twists.

Cabin Fever

My favourite horror movie of them all, this is probably more relatable to 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later than Species II. It is set around a group of friends that go out and stay in a cabin but to find one night a guy with a disease seeking help. They don't help scared that they will get infected. In a series of events the diseased man ends up in the cabin's water supply. With most people using this water they get infected which ends up on them turning on each other to help their own chances of survival. I recommend this movie because it is just one of those movies where you think where did he get that idea from because it is brilliant.

There you go, my favourite horror films, go rent a couple and see what they're like!

Far off in the cold reaches of space, the crew of a commercial tow ship investigates an S.O.S and find that they are the one in need of saving:

In the distant future, a massive space ship silently drifts through space. Its crew of 7 are blissfully sleeping in cryo-stasis tubes; instead of staying awake on a journey that would take years.

Computer monitors switch on, and the ship’s life support system kicks in and the crew are woken from their slumber 10 months too early. The ships Captain (Tom Skerritt, logs into the ships supercomputer known as mother; here he discovers the reason for their rude awakening. It seems the ship has picked up a faint signal and, obeying its directives, has altered its course accordingly to locate the beacon’s source.

The only problem is, it's having trouble deciphering exactly what the nature of the beacon is.

Whilst the Captain is chatting to the computer, we meet the rest of the crew: Kane (Hurt) 2nd in command, Ripley (Weaver) 3rd in command, Ash (Holm) the ships Science Officer, Lambert (Cartwright) the Communications Officer and Parker and Brett (Kotto and Stanton) a pair of engineers.

Eventually they locate the planet that the signal is coming from (this planet is later called LV-426). A landing craft is released and they all venture down to the planet’s surface. After touching down Dallas leads a team including Kane and Lambert to locate the beacon. After trekking a few kilometres of inhospitable terrain, a huge spaceship emerging over a ridge. A spaceship like nothing built by man.

A crack in the side allows them entry to the vessel and they are gob smacked at what they find. There is a huge skeleton growing out of a chair in the middle of a room with a hole in its chest where something burst out of.

After some more exploring, Kane finds a shaft that leads down to a mysterious room filled with leathery eggs. Investigating one leads to it opening and a disgusting, large parasite attaching to melting through his helmet and attaching it to his face (these little buggers are called Face huggers).

Arriving back, Ripley refuses to let the exploration team back in unless they go through quarantine. The Science Officer, Ash, opens the air-lock and lets them in; disobeying a direct order.

With Kane in the medi-lab, they attempt to remove the face hugger by cutting one of its many legs. The smallest incision causes bio-acid to spew out and eat through the floor and the deck below. After it comes to a stop, the crew realise they can’t cut the creature off. Who would attack a creature with acid for a defence mechanism?

The crew are called back to the lab by Ash, who is just as surprised to hind the face-hugger missing. A quick search around the room finds it dead in a corner. And it’s not before long that Kane regains consciousness. All is fine. Or is it?

The crew are all sat around a table eating Chinese food (where do they get Chinese food so far into space?) and are having a few laughs, jokes and complaining about pay. Kane starts coughing and choking on his food (Parker jokes “the food ain’t that bad, man”) His choking turns nasty and he really starts spasing out: screaming and convulsing before falling to the table. The others try to restrain him, but leap back in terror as his chest suddenly erupts in a fountain of blood and gore. In the middle of his chest hole, and the cause of it, a vicious snake-like creature (grown from an egg implanted by the face-hugger) looks around the room, then races off down a corridor, leaving the stunned crew in silence.

After discussion, the crew decide to hunt the little sod down and kill it. All they have though are a few flamethrowers that Parker put together and a home made motion detector. Split off into 2 teams, Brett hears his cat meowing in the distance and goes to look for him. He steps on something and holds it up for a better look. It seems that the snake-like Chest-Burster has shed its skin. Brett encounters the Alien and this time it’s big, almost 9 feet tall and very powerful. Brett’s encounter doesn’t last long. Time for a new plan.

Will the crew manage to kill it? Who will survive? What is the secret directive “Mother” has? And why does Ash seem to want to protect the creature at all costs?

Well, these are questions you’re going to have to answer for yourselves. Plus, nearly everyone has seen Alien, and if you haven’t, you bloody well should.

The film is slow-paced to being with (almost and hour goes by until we see the Alien) and we’re given a view of the ship and a look around before the crew are awakened, and as they walk around. We get to see all the little details of circuit boards, long, dark gothic corridors, high-tech mechanisms, all sorts of nooks and crannies (perfect for a monster to hide in and jump out).

Constant slow, lingering camera movements implant a feeling of anxiety and fear before the first word is spoken (over 5 minutes into the film). As we meet the characters, we realise that they are just the same as us: human beings. Not stereotypical chiselled good looks and catwalk models (although Sigourney Weaver was and still is absolutely stunning in my eyes). These are normal people doing a normal job. Parker and Brett show this best with their constant bitching about pay and insults to each other

This film works on so many different levels, each one disturbing us even further. Like any decent suspense/horror film, Alien takes its time to slowly introduce us to the threat; not just thrusting it in our face and saying “Be scared now!” A slow build up until the crescendo that is the dinner scene. That scene is one of the most disgusting and infamous scenes in all of cinema history.

A lot of people disagree when I say this is a Sci-Fi version of a haunted house film, but it is. It has all the clichés of a haunted house flick, but distorts them so much you don’t know what’s what (even down to the person being scared by a cat jumping out at them).

One of the sub-narrative plots in this film is the notion of male rape. The face-hugger being the rapist, forced itself onto Kane, rammed something down his throat and impregnated him. This idea freaks men out a lot and once they realise that’s what’s happening in the film, they don’t watch it again.

Ridley Scott’s direction is powerful and masterful (as per usual). The set design is incredible, detailed and still impresses to this day (if you look, you can make out what some of the set is made from. There’s one part near the end when a computer console is covered in the plastic components of an Airfix aeroplane. Not that I’m complaining)

The actors do a terrific job, particularly Sigourney Weaver (but then, I am biased) and Ian Holm as Ash; who has the biggest twist in the film and no one who hasn’t seen it will work it out until it is revealed.

But the top marks go to the genius of H.R. Geiger and his design of the Alien creature. Long before James Cameron's high-action sequel Aliens took the creature out of the shadows and into the open, H.R. Geiger's creature design was starkly original, even perverse, and director Scott wisely kept the creature hidden in the shadows. Sure it was just a man in a suit, but it was one massively impressive suit and keeping it in the dark not only heightened the fright factor, but also kept the suit out of the scrutinizing eye of the movie-goer. Nothing ruins a monster movie like being able to see the seam or the zipper on the back, and Scott erased that probability by keeping it low lit and hidden. We see all we need to see of the hostile creature, and what we do see is scary as hell.

The most impressive scenes are easily in the last 20 minutes or so. Scott’s directing and O’Bannon’s writing perfectly bounce off each other and meld to create a horror masterpiece. This film is almost perfect apart from one thing, just as Ripley is about to escape, she goes back for the cat. How crazy and stupid is that? This woman has gone from meek to mighty and goes back for a dumb cat.

But that aside, Alien well deserves to be called a horror film, and a damned fine one at that. The film being set in space is incidental, as Alien has the claustrophobic and undeniable feeling of a haunted house/monster-on-the-loose flick. One of Ridley Scott's best films, Alien is taut, suspenseful and a classic scare show.

Gets 10 out of 10 in my book any day.

Everyone has to see this film at least once.