Characters

Tomas/Tommy/Tom Creo: Hugh Jackman

Isabel/Izzi/Iz Creo: Rachel Weisz

Running Time

96 long minutes of my life that I want back.

Don’t see “The Fountain”.

I got dragged out to see this film against my better judgment. I should have listened to myself. The best thing about this film was the popcorn.

I haven’t seen Arnofsky’s other films “Pi” or “Requiem for a Dream” so I don’t know if they stink as bad as this film. If Melville, Dostoevsky, Charles Manson, and the Bahgwan Shri Rajneesh all sat down together to write over a pot of mushroom tea they might have written this but they’d have had the sense not to actually film it.

I almost never summarize a film plot but this time I couldn’t—there isn’t one. Hue should have turned this film down, like Brad Pitt and Russell Crowe did. Rachel Weis was already on probation with me after “The Constant Gardener,” which was a potentially good movie until the last 5 minutes. I’m going to have to through her in the bin with Dianne Keaton where I won’t see a film if she’s in it.

Imagine this film as a deck of cards where each card is a scene and each suit is a plot line. Sort all the heart cards out and throw them away. Now shuffle the three remaining suits together. Now imagine $70 million got cut from your budget (which it did). So you deal the deck into two piles. One pile you throw away and the other you film in sequence. Oh and every time the Ace of Spades comes up you put it back in the deck to be seen again.

What about the “PG-13” Rating?

The violence in this movie isn’t the kind that comes with great action scenes. It’s people dieing stupidly, and one guy whipping himself. There’s some husband and wife play that doesn’t really equate to much and some language.

Larger Story

Spoiler alert. This is a movie about turning yourself into a tree and launching yourself into a dieing star. It’s retarded. There is no larger story here. There is nothing the least bit redeeming about this film.