Marvin The Paranoid Android
“Life? Don't talk to me about life!” is one of the many catch phrases that this robot, fifty thousand times more intelligent than your average human, is prone to utter. Who can blame him when he sees the results of human folly and misadventure - including himself - all around him? Marvin originally appeared on TV in 1981, in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy” and his new design for the 2005 film came as quite a shock for a lot of die hard fans. However, his morbidity and depression were two of the best (perhaps the only?) reasons to watch the movie. A robot who never asked to be made, without anyone consulting him or considering his feelings, Marvin is the epitome of the stereotypical robot turned on its head (not literally). Optimus Prime
This is really one for the kids. Optimus Prime is a big truck and that, many of his critics say, is very much how he should have stayed. But do we actually give a truck? Unfortunately for the rest of the world and the movie going public the idea that forms of transportation could be transformed in to giant battling robot, fighting over the supremacy of the earth, was something that tickled the executives at Hasbro. They certainly did give a truck, or rather sold a truck (or ten million). Transformers made their debut on TV in 1984 (that says a lot) but it took a surprising 23 years for them to hit the big screen in a monstrously expensive vehicle (forgive the pun) that left the kids awestruck but the adults with rather a bad taste in their mouth (for it is their wallets after all that provides the cash which enables the "entertainment"). Optimus Prime is, however, a big brave and somewhat noble "mother trucker" and as such just about makes this list. Robby The Robot
1956 seems like a lifetime ago and, oh, it is for many people. Certainly another era, Robby was conceived at the height of The Cold War and made his debut in the classic Sci-fi film Forbidden Planet. The plot was ripped off, sorry, borrowed, from Shakespeare's The Tempest (in the loosest possible way, readers). Shakespeare would hardly have been spinning in his grave as, at least in terms of plots, he was about the biggest ripper offer of the lot. Digression aside, Robby was the first robot to achieve equal billing next to his co-stars, which included Leslie Nielson in an early, almost straight-faced role. No doubt Nielson saw the irony of the possible comparison between his and the robot's acting. Robby became a huge hit with the kids and was possibly the movie world's first lovable robot. With a design that rather dates him, one wonders if he is not now retired to the English countryside, with an Aga and a Hoover making up an ever so slightly kinky ménage a trois. Who can say? The Terminator
The Terminator movie first became a sleeper hit in 1984, almost the same time that the Brits put Marvin (see above) on the small screen. That could just about sum up the differences between the two nations, should any non English speaking Sci-fi loving geek boy ask you that particular question. What can be said about this series of films that has not already been said? I always wondered why the Terminators got a little saggier looking around the pectorals and waist with each movie that was released and blamed Skynet for lack of resources. This aside, the movie has that twin obsession - the development of the robot as the ultimate fighting machine and an attempt by a computer to take over the world. This one only managed California, however. Sonny
The illegitimate offspring of number five, in many ways, Sonny evolved his own consciousness or, dare I say it, a soul. That issue is at the heart of the film I, Robot, which was inspired by the writer Isaac Asimov. If you turn the volume down a little and work through Will Smith's constant bellowing there is a cerebral thread running through this film that is more about civil rights and universal suffrage than guns and explosions and hyper violence. It has some of the more ethereal imagery to be used in a sci-fi film of late and even posits the idea of robotic messianic leadership as a possibility. If androids dream of electric sheep, that doesn't make an appearance here, and neither does the disturbing thought of the potential of robots to have sex and make babies, which is the next possibility to hit our screens, surely. Or is this writer simply perverse? C3P0
Daddy's home! Perhaps if CGI had been a valid technology at the end of the nineteen seventies then perhaps C3P0 would have looked a lot more like Sonny than he already does. It does beg the question about robot procreation again, but we really, really shouldn't go there. C3P0 had a certain effeminacy about him which might preclude reproduction along the traditional lines - I guess it's pretty old fashioned these days anyway. He could have a test tube baby robot, one supposes. This aside, C3P0 has minced magnificently through all the original Star Wars films and their rather torpid sequels. He also helped anger and bemuse a million pre-teenage boys by being made in to dolls that couldn't be undressed. Where on earth is the use in that, I ask you! A very British robot, his role in the films tended towards the Brit stereotype so popular in Hollywood - the whining toff down on his luck. As such, very very entertaining. We love you, C3P0! Gort
An amazing movie from 1951 brought the world the strong and silent giant robot that is Gort. The Day the World Stood Still is one of those sci-fi films that has something to say about the politics of power of its day. In this case it was a warning from extra terrestrials that if mankind did not put its house in order then earth would have to be destroyed for the sake of the rest of the universe. Having said this, the film could well do with a remake. Possibly, Gort could come and teach a certain George Bush Junior a lesson or two about saving the planet and not guffawing his silly head off about it instead. Gort was the robot that could bring about that end of world scenario and as such we were in awe of him. However, he also had the remarkable effect of engendering sympathy from audiences, despite his lack of words and his potential to destroy our planet. Now down on his luck and last seen working in a leather bar in The Castro area of San Francisco, this is one of the best movie robots ever. Re-make, now, please! Maria
This young lady makes the list for two reasons. Firstly, she is the only female robot on the list and so, by sheer deference to the fairer sex, she gets to be at number three. Joking aside, the second and real reason is that she featured in the film Metropolis which was released in 1927 which is, staggeringly, over eighty years ago. Her design is such that many movie makers have had the urge to copy it ever since and you can see the ancestry at work in beings such as C3P0 and Sonny. Metropolis is set in a city of the future (do not watch the version with the misguided attempt at a soundtrack by the rock group Queen) where the workers work and the thinkers think - in a state of complete inequality. Maria creates the right sort of tension between the two groups (by way of an exotic dance at one point) and bob's your uncle - a revolution! Stunning design work for its time, Maria is a must see mechanical maiden (yes, I love alliteration). R2D2
Our brave little soldier, what can't this diminutive guy do? He repairs things, he risks his safety by delivering messages of galactic importance, and he even assists in the destruction of giant planet sized weapons of mass destruction (for which incidentally, there was plenty of proof). He even puts up with the constant, twittering, sissy spaced-out rambling of C3P0. What a guy! Can I find anything to complain about him? Possibly: if it wasn't for the creation of this "wobotic wunderkind", then the world would not have had to have suffered Twiki from Buck Rogers. I would really like to see R2D2 go up against the Daleks but then we all have our cross-dressing, I mean cross over fantasies. Named as his favorite actor by George Lucas (well, he would, wouldn't he? Thank you Ms Rice-Davies), R2D2 would have made it to number one on this list were it not for….. Wall-E
Yes, I know, I will probably be bombarded by a billion pieces of hate mail for putting Wall-E at number one on this list. Yes, I know it is premature. Yes, I know his longevity has yet to be proven. No, I am not working for Pixar. I fell in love with this chappy the first time I saw him (a manly, not sexual kind of love, I can assure you, honestly!). Like R2D2 he has no language and like aforementioned robot has a somewhat weird line in friends, in this case a cockroach. Having attracted rave reviews on its opening, the film is possibly the first to make lovable what is essentially a trash can. For real, this time. A Chaplin-esque little tramp, he will be the number one on many a list of the future. Or is this lovable little eco-warrior just simply trash? Answers on a post card please!
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