With all the bad press that White Chicks received, we couldn't wait to roll up our filthy sweatpants and wallow knee deep in this big-studio muck-fest. Well, actually we could and did wait. We never got to see this until about a year after its DVD release. With expectations so low, how could we possibly be disappointed? As per usual, reviewers universally hated this film for all the same reasons that we loved it.
It opens with the Wayans Brothers (Shawn and Marlon, and no, we don't know which one is which) in a convenience store waiting for an "ice cream" delivery. They are disguised as Mexicans in one of the most racist depictions ever committed to celluloid. See, it isn't really ice cream that they are waiting for, it's drugs; and they're not really Mexican convenience store operators, they're Negro FBI agents. Got that?
Somehow, they mistake an actual ice cream delivery for the drug buy (what are the chances of that?) and end up fucking up in a spectacular manner. Admonished by their boss to "never do something like this again" and threatened with firing, they are given an assignment to protect "The Wilson Girls", two high society dames threatened with kidnapping. One contrivance invariably leads to another, and before you can say "special make-up effects" the boys are impersonating white chicks!
The Wayans are noticeably taller and thicker than these Paris Hilton clones, but in this films' mixed up worldview, none of this matters. It doesn't matter that the rubber masks that they have on are about as convincing as a dollar store Halloween costume. It doesn't matter that they retain all the mannerisms of young ghetto Negro men. It doesn't matter that they can't even keep it straight as to which sister they are impersonating. It doesn't matter that they are spending the weekend in the Hampton's with three of their closest childhood friends. You just have to accept the premise and willingly suspend disbelief. Repeating the mantra "It's only a movie" over and over to ones' self almost helps.
Now that we have like totally accepted the premise (wink-wink) we are set to have fun at the movies. Like shit and fart jokes? This thing really packs 'em in. You won't sit through five minutes of this masterpiece of shit without a flatulence gag. Do you enjoy contrivances that are as plastic as the girls' faces? We know that last statement might be a little hard to follow, but watch this film and you'll understand. Here's our take on what constitutes the plot.
We were laughing so hard at all the fart jokes, we may have it wrong: The twin socialites known as the Wilson Sisters are visiting the Hampton's. Someone has threatened kidnapping. Hence, the FBI. There's some very low sort of dramatic tension concerning which set of chicks make the cover of the Hampton Magazine (whatever the fuck that is). That dramatic tension causes a very low rent rivalry with another set of rich white chicks. It translates into a bunch of "you're mommas so..." jokes and a dance- off at a local discotheque.
Now that you're totally confused, the real chicks (who are sequestered away in the big city) see all the press they're getting ("We made Page Six!") and decide to go to the Hampton's to horn in on the good times. Here is the breathless ending, what with all the FBI agents, their pissed- off wives, socialites, kidnappers and what-not running around... oh yeah, and the rich black basketball star on the hunt for white meat! Did we forget to mention Latrell? His name is Latrell. The entire enterprise collapses to a conclusion and our boys indeed save the day.
White Chicks is so dumb, so racist, and so fucking wrong- headed at every turn, 12 Angry She Males sat in a state of Bad Movie Bliss that lingered in the air like all the farts this movie demands we enjoy. Keenan Ivory Wayans sets the civil rights movement back at least fifteen years with this thoroughly enjoyable atrocity.
We give it our highest rating, having loved every sickening second of this celluloid suck-fest. Wallow into this pule at your own risk but don't forget to bring along some potent air freshener.
